It’s that time of year when I’m taking stock of the year gone by and making plans for the year to come—and in doing so noticed a gap on the […]
The post One small change that changes everything, with coffee appeared first on Modern Mrs Darcy.
It’s that time of year when I’m taking stock of the year gone by and making plans for the year to come—and in doing so noticed a gap on the blog. I no longer share what I learned regularly, as I did for years, but we have regular rhythms around here where we share what worked and what didn’t and what’s saving our lives.
In all these places, for nearly four years now, I’ve consistently referred to a planning rhythm that has brought much stability and joy to my life, and that is my Friday coffee planning meetings. I’ve never talked about that here in any kind of detail on the blog, in part because the first time I mentioned it, I thought the basics were self-explanatory (it’s right there in the name, right?) and I didn’t think the details mattered. Besides, people are always working and meeting and planning in coffee shops (gosh it’s nice to say that again after the intense pandemic years); what could you possibly find interesting about my own routine?
Well. You’ve consistently told me that I need to say more. I wrote about this topic in a 2020 newsletter, but new readers are constantly asking for all the juicy details. My little tweak may have been simple, but you continue to remind me that it’s not always easy to arrive at simple solutions. The cusp of the new year feels like a good time to talk about one of my planning essentials, and that is the Friday morning coffee meeting. Let’s do this!
Making planning a priority
I should begin by saying that while I love to plan, I’m a pantser by nature. The seed of change was when I realized that I needed to carve out time for long-term, big-picture business planning. And I needed a consistent time to focus on the nitty-gritty details. (I get more excited about the former than the latter. I doubt you’re surprised.) Many of these conversations need to happen with one of my team members: my husband Will, who serves as our operations manager for all things Modern Mrs Darcy and What Should I Read Next.
Once upon a time, before we instituted this regular practice, we struggled to build these check-ins into the rhythm of our weeks. On paper, Fridays seemed like a great time to focus on this stuff, but I never wanted to, and when the quick Friday meeting we’d penciled in rolled around I never felt I could spare the time. For many months, Will and I talked vaguely about how we should make this a regular thing and planning should be a priority, but we struggled to actually make it happen regularly. These sessions always felt like an interruption, because come Friday I’d be desperate to cross a few more things off my to-do list before the weekend. Too often I’d cancel the meeting, or cut it short.
But then. One week, after many moons of these Friday check-ins not working at all, we foresaw we had an especially long list of dreams and details to get through for one planned session. We decided a change of scenery might be nice, so instead of meeting at home like usual we moved our session to a local coffee shop.
All we did was change the venue—but I couldn’t believe the difference it made. And that change inspired us to further refine our practice to make it even more useful.
Building a routine that works
Of course we all want to make one easy upgrade that changes everything. The challenge is in seeing the opening, and knowing what to do next. Let’s take a look at why this once-new routine has stuck like glue for over four years now:
1. We automated it. These regular meetings are key to us doing great work, so we have to make them happen—and do so with a recurring calendar appointment. If someone has a scheduling conflict, we can work around it, knowing that Friday morning is the default. (Travel aside, scheduling conflicts are rare because we prioritize and plan around this meeting.) We’ve found this allows us to discuss and focus on big-picture priorities in the morning, and then use that information in the afternoon as we respectively plan our coming weeks.
We used to keep a running list in our journals of discussion topics but we’ve since shifted to a shared Google Drive doc so we can each see the agenda we’re jointly build. We tackle the big picture plans first, then, when we’re already on a roll, we knock out the nitty-gritty details.
2. We acknowledged this meeting time is an investment. Sometimes you’ve got to take time to make time. (Thanks for that great phrase, Laura Vanderkam!) Friday planning doesn’t feel urgent at the time; it feels like I could be ticking through my to-do list instead. But everything runs so much more efficiently when we take time to talk things over.
3. We made it FUN. We both love coffee, and we built that into our rhythm. We’re Friday regulars at a local spot, but sometimes we mix things up (especially when the bourbon tourist Airbnb crowd descends on our usual for a special event), visiting another favorite spot or a new one we want to try in our town. (Louisville friends: is it just me or are new coffee shops popping up everywhere?)
4. We splurged a little. Sure, we could have these meetings at home. We could even meet by video if we’re apart. But these meetings feel special—and important—in part because we’re getting out and drinking good coffee. Sometimes, if we’re on a roll, that might mean a second round of lattés. That feels like such an indulgence to this naturally frugal girl (who makes really good coffee at home), but I am 100% it’s worth it. (An interesting side note: I learned in the course of writing Don’t Overthink It that so many people who don’t otherwise consider themselves to be overthinkers struggle mightily with decisions—small or large—involving money.)
When we first implemented this change, I leaned heavily on principles from Don’t Overthink It, the book I was writing at the time. I’m so grateful I now have them in my toolbox. I once wrote a blog post asking the question, What’s your unfair advantage? Since 2019, I honestly feel like my unfair advantage is that I spent a couple of years of my life immersed in the topic of overthinking, which runs deeper and wider in our lives than I’d realized: I learned about rumination and worry, sure. But I also learned how to lay a firm foundation for solid mental processes, to bring my priorities and my calendar into tighter alignment, to streamline and make simple changes that save me serious headaches. Friday coffee is one of them!
It’s that time of year when many of us are evaluating hits and misses from the year gone by, and contemplating what practices we want to adopt for the year to come. Friday planning coffee is unlikely to be the tweak you need for your 2024, but I’m willing to bet that you have openings in your own life—places where one easy upgrade could change everything—that are ripe for transformation. The challenge is in seeing the opening, and knowing what to do next.
Have you ever made a small tweak that’s made a big difference in your life? Where and how do you like to do big-picture planning? This is a great time to share: would you tell us all about it in comments?
The post One small change that changes everything, with coffee appeared first on Modern Mrs Darcy.
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